


Feel better

by BPistherevolution



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Im whipped for Jenlisa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-07-02 23:10:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BPistherevolution/pseuds/BPistherevolution
Summary: Lisa masters the art of masking pain and holding back tears and smiling even when she doesn't feel too good. So when Jennie back hugs her on stages and pulls her close and holds her hand during their second anniversary vlive, Lisa smiles and teases her and kisses her cheek. To the outsider, they just look like the perfect pair of bestfriends.





	1. Chapter 1

Jennie's smart and beautiful and funny and Lisa would conquer seas and skies if Jennie just asked.

 

Lalisa's always been the optimist, she sees the good in people and she firmly believes that bad things don't last.

Jennie Unnie hurts and tears her heart apart over and over again, but Lisa still looks at her like she's got constellations stuck in her eyes and stardust in her bones. 

* * *

She never stays the night, she always sneaks out before the sunrays seep through the curtains. Lisa's always disappointed. She cries the first ten times it happens then gets used to it. Gets used to the sharp tingling pain and learns to live with it.

 

If Jennie ever taught her something, it's that nothing's permanent.

 

She only comes to her when it's dark and the girls are fast asleep. Her breath smelling like alcohol, her hair ruffled, her words a little slurred and her hands a little too rough. She looks at Lisa with hooded eyes, hungry, needy. She's never gentle with her, she kisses her feverishly, sloppily. She fucks her and never once looks at her eyes. And Lisa lets her. She figures if this is the only way she can have Jennie, then so be it.

 

Jennie never mentions it, and when Lisa tries to talk about it, she shuts down or changes the subject. The younger's long given up on trying to figure out this mess, what all of this means.

 

In the daylight, Jennie smiles at her wide and bright, and Lisa's chest tightens. She puts on a whole entire facade and Lisa's always been fascinated with it. The girl with the gummy smile that waves to the fans and  gives her all on stage and makes a fool of herself on variety shows making the whole nation swoon for her in the process, a stark contrast to the pale girl with smudged lipstick and mascara that leaves marks and bruises on Lisa's body.

Lisa masters the art of masking pain and holding back tears and smiling even when she doesn't feel too good. So when Jennie back hugs her on stages and pulls her close and holds her hand during their second anniversary vlive, Lisa smiles and teases her and kisses her cheek. To the outsider, they just look like the perfect pair of bestfriends. 

* * *

Jisoo, ever the perceptive unnie, is the only one to notice the subtle changes in Lisa's behavior. How she spends less and less time in their living area, how she misses a few steps when they're practicing their choreography, how her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes.

 

* * *

One day, when Lisa's alone lounging on the couch with Leo napping on her chest, she nudges her foot and asks her if she's okay. When Lisa stays quiet and her eyes unconsciously and subtly (or so she thinks) drift to Jennie's room, Jisoo nods and doesn't push.  
When they're receiving their award and the fans are cheering too loudly and colorful confetti is falling from the ceiling, she thinks she catches Jungkook from BTS staring directly at her, gaze unwavering. 

 

Her suspicions are confirmed when Rosé slips a crumbled paper in her palm backstage when the managers aren't looking, giddy, eyebrows raising suggestively  as she nods her head to where BTS are  sitting.

 

* * *

She paces the room back and forth seven times, does 3 sets of 25 pushups and jumping jacks before her nerves finally calm down. She's further encouraged when she looks at the clock and it's already past 12 which means Jennie is not coming tonight (She tries not to be disappointed. She gets disappointed anyways.) so she shoots a quick message to the number scribbled neatly on the slip of paper.

 

* * *

After talking every night for a month and a half, Jungkook finally beats around the bush and tells her that he wants her. She thinks she wants him too, so she says yes to seeing him.  
She sees Jennie less and less, and tries to avoid her by staying late in the practice room. 

 

When things get more serious with Jungkook, she decides to put a complete stop to whatever mess is going on between her and the brunette.

* * *

One night, when Jennie throws the door open and launches herself at Lisa, the younger pushes her back. Jennie looks at her confused. Lisa closes her eyes, swallows, takes a deep breath, utters the first words the two of them have ever said since the beginning of their arrangement: "I am not doing this anymore." 

 

She snorts, she thinks Lisa's joking. But when Lisa keeps looking at her mutely,  she scoffs.

"Seriously?". 

Lisa just nods and pushes her lightly off her lap.

 

She thinks she sees a look of hurt flash through Jennie's face, but it's quickly replaced with anger. She shoves Lisa back with all the power a drunken can muster, gets up and storms out slamming the door behind her. 

 

Lisa looks at the closed door, cries. She feels as if someone crushed and  stepped on her heart, but the thing is,  Jennie stepped on her heart the moment she entered her life and took it by storm. She thinks Jungkook can fix it. Most importantly, she thinks she deserves happiness that's not related to Jennie.

* * *

Jungkook is sweet and gentle and charming and everything that Jennie isn't. It's easy with him, so so easy. They sneak around and kiss in hidden closets backstage and smile at each other from across their tables during award ceremonies and he sends her flowers on Sundays signed off as "your most loyal blink".

* * *

Their managers aren't stupid, they notice the staring and the staying up late and the incessant phone calls, but turn a blind eye to it all. Sometimes they'd get warning glances but they're too young to care and Lisa is still high on the rush of getting caught and it's such a welcome distraction and she's almost, almost happy and doesn't want to let go of it.

 

* * *

When they get a phone call from their respective companies requesting an urgent meeting, they both freak out. They get told that the said meeting will be held in the YG headquarters, so they meet there, and while they wait to get called, they keep glancing at each other nervously. Right before they go up, Jungkook mouths "it's okay", squeezes her hand and lets go. His palm is just as sweaty as Lisa's. 

* * *

By some miracle, they don't get fired. And they stare at their CEO's like they've grown two heads when they tell them that they're too talented to let them go, that they can date only if they strictly follow a certain set of rules and finally list the consequences if they don't.

* * *

Lisa shares the news with her unnies when she goes home. Jennie stiffens, congratulates her with a tight smile, tells her she's happy for her, then excuses herself when Jisoo and Chaeyoung insist that Lisa tells them about how good Jungkook is to her.

* * *

 

That same night, Jungkook takes her to a private 5 star restaurant to celebrate. He tells her that he reserved a night at the fanciest hotel in Busan for them, and winks, and she should feel thrilled (he's wanted to do it for so long and she's always found an excuse). But all she feels is dread. She feels guilty for it. 

* * *

Jungkook closes the door behind him, smirks and starts undressing. She suddenly feels trapped, suffocated, like she can't breathe, her throat closes up, tears well up in her eyes. What's wrong with her? Anyone would be so lucky to have Jungkook, she thinks bitterly. (She knows exactly what's wrong.)

 

Jungkook looks concerned, he slips back into his unbuttoned shirt and is quick to kneel beside her. He tells her to breathe but all she can hear is the loud ringing in her ear. 

He rubs soothing circles on her back, and when she finally remembers how to breathe, all she knows how to say is sorry. She snatches her coat and runs out of the room and into the elevator. 

The doors close in on Jungkook pleading her to just tell him what's wrong.

* * *

Her manager is outside (she doesn't stop to question why he's there so late when she already told him she'll call him in the morning.) He just smiles sympathetically and opens the car door for her and doesn't ask questions. 

* * *

She gets home and her mind doesn't want to switch off and she just desperately wants to slip under the covers and escape reality if only for a couple of hours.

Her brows furrow when she sees her door slightly open. She never leaves it open.

 

She peeks inside and it's dark. She makes her way through carefully and turns on a bedside lamp. 

 

Jennie is curled up on her bed, sheets clasped in a deathgrip and hair draped on a most angelic face. She looks so small, so fragile and Lisa aches to just reach out and touch her, to hold her, to make her feel safe. But she can't. She smiles softly at her, traces with her eyes her nose, her neck, the curve of her lip.

 

Jennie shivers slightly, so Lisa takes out a comforter from her closet, drapes it over the older and tucks her in meticulously.

 

She hesitates before leaning in and dropping a kiss light as a feather on her forehead. She takes out a few pillows and a blanket for herself, turns off the light, then closes the door gently behind her.

 

The moment the door closes, Jennie opens her eyes. Tears are quick to fall. She bites on her fist to stifle the sobs that threaten to break out.

 

 

Lisa falls asleep on the couch lulled by the soft humming of the background noise that belongs to a Korean drama.


	2. Chapter 2

“11 missed calls from Jungkook” is what Lisa wakes up to. Guilt wells up in her stomach. What was she supposed to say to him? That he was just the rebound? That she was irrevocably in love with her bandmate? That he was just a means to forget someone who fucks her in the dark and ignores her existence in the daylight? 

Jungkook deserves better and Lisa’s not a monster. 

 

The break up is fast, harmless. Jungkook is understanding, kisses her on the forehead, wishes her good luck. Lisa feels sick to the stomach.

 

Jisoo and Chaeyoung check up on her regularly. They bring her chocolate, face masks, plush toys, cuddle with her, bingewatch Disney movies with her. They’re there for her but don’t push her to talk. Lisa’s grateful for them. 

 

 

The next days pass by in a blur. Lisa drains her sorrows in individual dance practice and boxing. 

When Moonshot asks her to hold a meet and greet in Thailand, she almost cries in relief for the distraction. The plane ride is fun. A good-looking American sitting across from her in first class flirts with her when her manager’s not looking and she wills herself to enjoy it. When he stands up to go to the bathroom, she shoots him a subtle wink and he honest to god stumbles, cheeks flushing. She quietly chuckles to herself. 

Truth be told, it feels nice to have that kind of effect on someone, to feel wanted, to live a rom-com cliché: love at first sight across airplane seats. She curses herself for her luck, for wanting someone who doesn’t want her back, for loving someone who can’t give her the cliché she so desires.

 

Her mom tears up when she sees her and Lisa melts in her arms, inhaling her scent, feeling the warmth and love and the-magical-can-cure-anything touch that only a mother can provide, and she almost, almost, feels like everything could be okay again. 

She goes out for dinner, hangs out with friends and even enjoys a whole spa-day with an old acquaintance. She sleeps better at night, and a certain brunette no longer haunts her dreams. 

 

Before her last day, Lisa manages to convince her manager to let her go with one of her good friends Nikki, who’s a singer, to the private party she’s hosting. 

 

She doesn’t drink, as per her manager’s request, but when she’s offered a cigarette, she doesn’t refuse. 

She spends most of her night on the dance floor, loosing herself to the music, head thrown back, hair messy, hips moving, feeling on top of the world. 

 

When people start filing out at around 3 am, Lisa finds herself alone on the patio. Nikki  
soon joins her after seeing the last party attendee off, a tall skinny glass of champagne in her hands. 

They sit there quietly for a little while, but Lisa soon feels eyes burning holes in the side of her head. She then turns to Nikki who doesn’t even bother looking away. 

“You look like shit.”

Lisa, at the unexpected comment, bursts out laughing. Nikki joins her. Heads tipped back, they laugh and laugh hysterically for a good three minutes. 

When they both quiet down, Nikki’s first to break the silence, tone gentle, yet more serious. “Talk to me Lalice”. 

Lisa sighs, breathes out slowly. “She doesn’t want me.” The words are choked, a sob threatening to break out in the dead of night. 

Nikki puts the glass down, straddles Lisa, takes her hands gently and puts them around her waist. Lisa then lets it loose, violent sobs shaking her body. Nikki hugs her tightly, touching her head, rubbing her back. Her shirt is soon soaked but she keeps holding Lisa anyways. 

 

Lisa finally looks up to her, eyes brimmed with tears, puffy, red, yet so, so beautiful. 

 

Nikki wipes her cheeks, holds her head close, presses their foreheads together. 

 

She closes the gap, catches Lisa’s lips with her own. 

 

Her tongue grazes over Lisa’s bottom lip, sucking lightly, tasting the salt of her tears. She then pulls back, trails her mouth over the falling tears, kisses Lisa’s eyelids, her forehead, her hair, the curve of her neck, her collarbone. 

She feels Lisa shuddering against her. 

She stands up and tugs Lisa by the hand gently towards the master bedroom and into the bathroom. She takes a make up wipe and cradling Lisa’s head with her left hand, she cleans the smudged mascara. She then takes off Lisa’s fancy party clothes leaving her in her underwear and helps her put on some shorts and an oversized shirt. Stripping down to her bra and panties herself, she leads Lisa to the bed. 

 

She lays down with her, huddles close to her, big spooning her. 

 

It’s only when Lisa’s breaths even out that she slips out of bed. Easily locating Lisa’s phone on the countertop of her kitchen, she types in the correct passcode on the first try (leomanoban), marveling at how uncreative Lisa can be for someone so talented. She finds the contact she’s looking for and presses the call button before she even thinks twice about what she’s doing.

 

 

Jennie answers on the fourth ring. “Hello?”, she sounds surprised, confused.

 

Nikki is often praised for her bluntness, her straightforwardness. There couldn’t be a better time to not beat around the bush and put her skills into use than now: “Jennie Kim, I am two seconds away from beating the shit out of you.” 

“What the actual fuck?”. She sounds pissed and angry. _Good_ , Nikki thinks. 

“Listen, you dick, my best friend’s heart is broken over you and I am not going to just sit around watching her cry over some stuck up bitch who doesn’t deserve her. Lisa’s so talented and so smart and so beautiful and so loved and anyone would be so fucking lucky to have her. So if you don’t grow a pair of fucking balls and-“

“Is this Nikki?” Jennie interrupts.

 

“Does it matter who?” Nikki sighs, takes a deep breath, tone becoming softer. “Jennie, I know how much your past affected you, okay? I know that it’s hard to accept that someone could love you so wholeheartedly when all you’ve known is abuse and manipulation. But that absolutely doesn’t give you the right to let it out on her, do you hear me? Lisa, she- she’s all in or nothing, okay? She loves you so, so much, and I know you love her too, Jennie, I’ve seen the way you look at her. God, Jennie Kim, will you just get your head out of your ass and give her the happy ending she deserves”? Nikki feels exhausted all of a sudden, worn down.

All she hears in response is Jennie's soft breathing on the other side of the line. Nikki hangs up. 

 

They don’t talk much in the morning, they never need to. Nikki gives her a long hug and Lisa holds on for a second too long. 

 

 

Chaeyoung and Jisoo meet her at the airport but Jennie’s no where to be seen. Lisa tries not to let the disappointment show on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clear up that Nikki kissing Lisa was not at all romantic. It was more of an intimate comforting gesture.


	3. Chapter 3

When Lisa gets to the dorms, she's so tired she falls headfirst into her queen sized bed and sleeps like a baby for the next 10 hours.

 

She wakes up a little disoriented but  feeling well rested. The shower she takes is scorching hot but it helps with the sore spots so she doesn't mind much. 

As she's drying her hair, there's a light knock on the door.

"Come in", Lisa yells.

The door knob turns and Jennie pokes her head in a second later and Lisa feels as if someone has knocked the breath out of her.

"Hey".

"Hey", Lisa manages to rasp out. 

There's then a moment of awkward silence as they both stare at each other. Jennie's the first to break it.

 

"Happy to see you", it seems forced and Lisa's throat clogs up. 

"Fuck you, Jennie", Lisa bites out, tone harsher than she intended it to be. 

A flash of hurt crosses Jennie's face.

 

"Guess I deserved that, huh?" the chuckle she lets out is hollow, and Lisa feels a sharp pull on her heartstrings.

 

Jennie doesn't say anything else, simply turns and closes the door behind her with a soft click. 

Lisa lets herself slide down the sink until she's sitting on cold tiles, digs the heels of her palms in her eyesockets and tries not to cry.

 

-

 

Even though her schedule is mostly empty for the next few days, Lisa keeps herself busy. She works on some choreographies, meets with her vocal coach and books, for the end of the day, a much needed fancy spa session.

 

She gets home late, pours herself a glass of chocolate milk and settles in front of the TV with her favorite fuzzy blanket as Leo makes himself comfortable in her lap.

 

She tries really hard to focus on the documentary she put on, but her mind, not even two minutes in, wanders to the crooked smile and the crinkled eyes of Jennie Kim. 

 

Lisa's really foolish to think that a trip to Thailand would help her get over Jennie's voice  and Jennie's laugh and Jennie's bad moods and Jennie's red cherry lips and Jennie everything.

 

She really was starting to feel like herself again during the days she didn't see her, her heart didn't hurt as much and the air she breathed didn't feel as heavy, but a simple "hey" had her going to square one, had her crumbling down yet again.

 

In retrospect, she shouldn't have let Jennie play with her in the first place. 

But Jennie has always asked for consent first when they first started becoming what jennie called as "friends with benefits or whatever", yet Lisa let her even though she knew Jennie only did it for the release.

For when she's feeling horny on a drunken Sunday afternoon.

For not being able to hook up with guys as per YG's rules. 

So Lisa did know she was just a fuckbuddy to her, and still let it happen anyways, got tangled in the mess that is Jennie Kim anyways.

 

So yes, in a way, she's to blame as well. But how could she stop when she's finally had a taste of how good Jennie's lips felt against hers, how good it felt to have Jennie pressed against her? 

Jennie was intoxicating, addicting, and Lisa kept wanting more even though it tore and broke her heart when she would wake up in an empty bed. 

What hurt the most, though? It's that Jennie would only fuck her when she was drunk, never sober. Lisa hated it so much, used to cry over it for nights on end, but she decided she'd rather have a drunk jennie leaving angry red crescent moons on the inside of her thighs than no Jennie at all.

 

So yes, Lisa, despite wanting to be more than a hookup to Jennie, knew that her and the older girl would never be a thing as the Korean girl made it clear that what they had meant nothing more than just sex and would just shut down or avoid Lisa when the younger insisted that they at least try to talk about it more. 

And so yes, Lisa's at fault too, but her stupid stubborn heart wouldn't stop beating for Jennie anyways.

 

But there were these moments though, that made Lisa keep on hoping that jennie could love her back:

-When Jennie would hold her hand for a moment too long when no one's looking.

-When she would catch jennie staring at her lips when they're getting their makeup done before a show.

-When Jennie, one night, after making Lisa come twice, threaded her fingers through Lisa's and stared at her for a good 10 seconds, eyes gentle and crystal clear. Lisa was about 99% sure that Jennie wasn't as drunk as she pretended to be and perhaps even completely sober, but she still brushed it off as her being too worn from the earthshattering orgasms jennie gave her that night, which, to be fair, almost had her blacked out.

 

But these moments were only deceiving, and all they did was break Lisa's heart over and over again, so she doesn't dwell on them too much.

 

-

 

 

Within two weeks, they're back to having a schedule from hell. Lisa, with their constant traveling, is jet-lagged 24/7 yet still manages to smile her signature smile and give her all in every single show. 

 

Things with jennie are a little tense, sure, but they're both professional and mature and they don't let it affect their performance in the slightest. The blinks don't suspect a thing and they have the best time on stage. 

 

Lisa, however, starts to notice small changes in Jennie's behavior little by little. 

Like how she lingers when Lisa's doing her fitting. 

Like how she doesn't avert her eyes when Lisa catches her staring. 

Like how she intentionally lets their hands brush when she walks past her.

Like how she seems to always be on the verge of saying something, opening and closing her mouth, then deciding against it, shaking her head a little, and leaving.

 

But Lisa's done being an optimist, and so she ignores Jennie's every attempt at getting her attention.


	4. Chapter 4

Nikki calls her on a Sunday morning. Lisa, a little groggy from sleep, answers on the fourth ring.

"What's up?", Nikki's voice is too cheerful and Lisa honestly wants to strangle the girl if it weren't for the miles separating them.

"Nikki, have you ever heard of time zone difference?" Lisa rasps out, irritation evident in her voice.

"Well, I guess, oops? I just landed in New York a few hours ago and it's so nice here, Lalice, you would like it." There's a loud car honk on Nikki's side of the phone and Lisa smiles a little.

"Anyways, just wanted to ask how you're doing?"

Lisa lets out a long sigh before she replies. "The schedule's hectic, but it's nice, you know, meeting all these new people and all these places."

Nikki chuckles a little. "You've always been a people's person."

It's quite for a little before Nikki speaks again. "So hey, um- how are things between you and uh Jennie?"

Lisa's taken a little offguard by the question and it takes her a little to reply. "Um, we- we're good".

"Lisa, talk to me". Nikki pleads.

At Nikki's tone, Lisa just lets out a defeated sigh knowing there's no way of getting out of this. Nikki's always been good at getting her to talk. Which is both a blessing and a curse. She guesses it's particularly a curse when it's 7 in the morning on a Sunday and she still didn't even have coffee yet.

"Um we're like actually good. She's been incredible with me during this tour. Something's definitely changed. I don't want to get my hopes up though."

Nikki's quiet for a second. There's a bit of a shuffling before she's talking again: "You know the last thing I want is for you to get hurt again, right?"

Lisa nods before remembering that Nikki can't actually see her so she hums instead.

"But, don't just shut the possibility of her not liking you back, like completely, okay?"

Nikki's reply has Lisa shaking her head in confusion. Nikki's always been one to protect Lisa literally and metaphorically. When Lisa first told her about Jennie, Nikki has threatened to murder the girl and Lisa had to physically stop her from grabbing the closest knife. And now she's telling Lisa this? 

Lisa shakes her head again for good measure just in case her sleepy mind's playing tricks on her.

"Ah, sorry Lalice, I have to go, my meeting is starting". There's a click and the line goes flat.

"What the actual fuck", Lisa mumbles getting up and heads for the shower hoping cold water would help her make sense of the strange conversation she's had with Nikki.

-

It's their rest day so Lisa just spends it lounging on the bed perusing channels on the TV mounted on the wall in front of her.

Nikki's conversation, however, keeps plaguing her mind, making her restless. Why did Nikki say that? Did Jennie tell her something? 

She tries to call Nikki back to ask for clarification, a further explanation, but her call keeps going to voicemail.

Her train of thought is interrupted by Chaeyoung entering her hotel room. She grins at Lisa, two huge takeout bags balanced precariously on her arms. Lisa's never been more grateful for a distraction.

-

If her conversation with Nikki wasn't strange enough, then Jennie walking silently into her room at 2 am definitely wins the title of the "what the fuck is going on".

Jennie settles on the side of her bed and Lisa shuffles a little so she can get a better look at her.

"What's wrong?" Lisa asks, worry in her voice.

Jennie shrugs. "Can't sleep".

The words come tumbling out before she could think them over, because Jennie's always been Lisa's weakest spot: "Come -ere".

Jennie climbs on the bed in a second, settling an exact two inches away from Lisa. 

Neither make a move to close the distance, they just lay there, so close yet so far away.

The last thing Lisa hears before slumber takes over is what sounded a lot like a quiet "I am sorry".

-

When Lisa's told that Jennie has fainted during her performance of "solo" and was rushed to the hospital, she sees red.

She forces a smile during the rest of the show, and the minute it's over, she practically rips off her performance clothes, quickly changing into sweats and a t-shirt then follows Chaeyoung and Jisoo into a car that takes them directly to the hospital Jennie's at.

The doctor there tells them it's nothing serious, that Jennie's just overworked. Lisa releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

Jisoo, ever the protective Unnie, scolds Jennie and tells her to take better care of herself.

Chaeyoung ruffles Jennie's hair and surrounds her hospital bed with teddy bears blinks gave them.

Lisa buys Jennie two bags of chips and a snickers bar and squeezes her hand.

-

The doctor decides it's best if Jennie stays the night so they can monitor her better. 

Lisa insists she stays a little more with her. She reasons that they don't have anything scheduled for the next few days so it won't matter if she stayed up late.

Her managers are a little reluctant, but they finally say yes on the condition that she leaves before midnight. Lisa squeals like a little child.

-

Lisa settles on an armchair next to Jennie's hospital bed. It's a little uncomfortable so she drags a stool and perches her legs on it, opens a book and tries to read a little while Jennie sleeps. 

-

An hour later, Lisa closes the book and sets it aside, her eyes drifting to Jennie's sleeping form.

In her hospital gown, she looks so small, so vulnerable, so frail. 

Lisa wonders how can someone so worn out still manages to look so beautiful.

Jennie coughs a little and Lisa's by her side in an instant.

"Are you okay?"

Jennie clears her throat a little before she's able to reply. "Where are the others?"

"They left already because it was getting late."

"And you stayed?"

"And I stayed."

Jennie gives her this soft smile that makes Lisa's heart sputter, flutter, splutter.

They stare at each other and as cliché as it is, the universe seems to hold still for a second.

But Lisa's also a drama queen and a rom-com enthusiast and we would all die if the universe actually stopped for just a second, so she breaks the moment and goes to fetch water for Jennie even though she didn't ask for it.

-

Lisa's glad she stayed because Jennie's now laughing hysterically at Lisa's jokes and Lisa's so in love with Jennie's laugh.

Or not. She really needs to keep the promise she made to herself about not getting her hopes up, and well, moving on from Jennie.

But that's really hard to do when Jennie's patting the bed with one hand and motioning for her to join her with the other.

Lisa's screwed. Like big time screwed. But luck has never been on Lisa's side and Lisa could never deny Jennie anything. So there's also that.

Lisa's stiff when she lays her head next to Jennie's.

The air gets suddenly tangibly tense when they're finally side by side, the two inches they kept between them the other night reduced to nothing courtesy of the small hospital bed. 

But honestly? Fuck whatever this is because Lisa and Jennie were friends first before the start of their stupid arrangement. And friends cuddle when friends need to be comforted when they're on hospital beds, right?

So Lisa decides to just throw caution to the wind and she's about to move her arm when Jennie just casually slings her arm over Lisa's waist where her shirt has ridden up a little and tucks her head under Lisa's chin.

Lisa feels her body tingling and buzzing at the unexpected contact, she feels warm, and it's not even sexual or anything, and god, she really missed Jennie.

"I miss you", Jennie whispers after a while and Lisa's heart almost stops, but then again, Lisa's a drama queen so it probably only just skipped a beat or something.

Lisa doesn't reply but it doesn't deter Jennie, if anything, it just encourages her to elaborate.

"I know that um, I haven't been exactly a person that deserves your kindness, Lisa. And you have been nothing short of amazing with me". 

She's quiet for a second. 

"I hope that you forgive me", Jennie whispers to the sterile room and the cold tiles and the white ceiling and the tired girl next to her who chose the sterile room and the cold tiles and the white ceiling over a warm bed and comfortable sheets and actual edible food, just for her.

Just for her.

Tears prickle at Lisa's eyes and she wills them away. Jennie's not like confessing her undying love to her or anything, she's only just apologizing, and yet Lisa feels like her heart is about to burst out of her chest.

And okay, as much as Lisa wants to, you know, just forgive Jennie, she's still hurt, like deeply hurt, and it's a process, and it will take time, but Jennie's trying, and Lisa is then willing to try too, and that's already something.

Lisa stays quiet, but she fumbles for Jennie's other hand and holds it. And that seems to be enough of an answer for Jennie, because she looks up at Lisa, that damn soft smile on her face, leans closer, presses a lingering kiss on Lisa's cheeks then settles back, closes her eyes.

Jennie's breaths soon even out leaving Lisa's mind in a dirty battle with her heart. 

Nikki's words now make a lot of sense and no sense at all and Lisa frankly doesn't know what to believe anymore.

-

Jennie wakes up to an empty bed, her favorite roses in a vase and a card on the side table.

Manager Unnie didn't let me stay. I'll see you when you get home. -Lisa

Jennie brings the roses to her nose inhaling their scent and folds the card, puts it in her breast pocket. 

-

Tour days go by in a blur.

They go back to Korea on a cloudy day and they're all tired and a little irritable and can't wait to just spend their days, in their beds, doing nothing.

Jisoo orders take out and they all gather in the living room to watch the lion king because it's their favorite and they sing along to every song and Lisa captures every moment with her camera even though they're barefaced and they're wearing sweats but they're happy and that's all that matters.

-

Lisa's favorite place in their dorm is probably the backyard.

She likes to look at the stars and pretends to know the name of the constellations when one of the girls sometimes join her, even though she hasn't taken a single astrophysics course in her life.

Her favorites to point out are "Big Dick" and "Orion's vagina" constellations, but she's probably biased because they're the ones that make Jennie let out a childish laugh that makes Lisa's insides swirl and twirl.

She's thinking of another immature name for a constellation when someone lies beside her.

She doesn't have to turn to know that it's Jennie, her signature Chanel scent already permeating the air.

"I haven't seen such a clear night sky in a long time. It's beautiful".

Lisa hums.

Silence then stretches between them, which seems to have become a common occurrence recently especially when the two are alone together.

Lisa doesn't really like it because she honestly doesn't know what she should say to Jennie even though Jennie's really trying hard with her.

But she thinks she's ready to forgive Jennie though, and actually move on. But the latter's proving harder to achieve than the first.

But what did Jennie exactly do to forgive her? Not like her back? Isn't that a little selfish? 

Lisa's not selfish though. And so if Jennie wants to only be her friend, Lisa decides she'll be Jennie's most loyal friend.

A pinky touching hers pulls her from her reverie, then a ring finger touches her ring finger, then a middle finger touches her middle finger, then an index finger touches her index finger, then a thumb touches her thumb, then a palm presses against her palm, then all five fingers lace through all of her five fingers.

Lisa smiles, tugs a little at their joined hands, grins and asks.

"Friends?"

The reply is delayed and weak. "Friends". 

But Lisa's too giddy to notice. 

She doesn't notice the disappointment on Jennie's face.

Nor the tears that start to form in Jennie's eyes.

But then again, how could she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jxhgdjdbsj I wasn't too proud of this but I hope you like it.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me @wingedyouthbear on tumblr


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